Theories on Conflict

     Hello again everyone! If you're new to my blog, welcome! If you managed to get through last week's blog and are here again, welcome back! Last week marked the debut of my blogging career, and since I'm here again, it's safe to assume that I've made it another week without too much trouble. This week was another interesting week, with lots of new and surprising things learned and WAY too many notes to fit into one blog. If I'm being honest, I still don't know exactly what I want to do with this blog, but just sharing my thoughts and reflections on what I learn during my Family Relations class seems to be working for me so far. Anyways, let's see what I come up with this week.

    If you were here last week, I shared that what I was rather surprised to learn that I had some misconceptions that were untrue. I had no idea I was in the wrong, and having my beliefs challenged actually wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought; rather, it was quite freeing. It's like the more I learn about the family and how it operates, the more my own family situation makes more sense. This week in particular we learned about a few theories that attempt to explain why we encounter problems in our family relationships. Two particular theories caught my attention as I felt they were particularly applicable to me: Conflict Theory and Symbolic Interaction Theory. 

    Conflict Theory more or less states that conflict arises in relationships when different parties enter into competition over finite resources. This theory is usually used to explain larger social groups, like different cultural or ethnic groups, however, when I think of how it affects my family I feel like I see things a little clearer. Maybe you can think of how you might compete with others in your family for different resources. Maybe its competing for physical resources like the last the rice krispy treat in the pantry or that coveted spot on the couch, but it can also be more intangible things that are important too, like time and attention. I know the latter was how things worked in my family. Without going into too much detail, my family to distribute its time and attention a bit differently than most others. My younger brother has some major physical handicaps, and he needed lots of time and attention, especially when he was very young. We made it work for us, but that extra attention and time my brother needed taught me and my older brother to live with less of those resources. While it taught me to be independent, I think it also has left me feeling like something was missing in some of those relationships, which has caused some conflict, at least internally, for me.

    Symbolic Interaction Theory tells us that everything anyone does has symbolic meaning in addition to its practical meaning, and that conflict arises when we misinterpret the symbolic meaning behind others' action. As a silly example, I'll mention something that is fairly common among students in the college environment I typically find myself in. 

    You, as a college student, see that cute co-ed across the classroom. You lock eyes for a few seconds and they smile and wave. It probably means nothing, unless...? Are they just being nice or is there something more? If you guess wrong, things could get very awkward for one or both of you. Do you see how it works and how it might affect your family relationships, let alone any other relationship you have?

    Something that I have been thinking of since learning about Social Interaction Theory is how I think sometimes we misinterpret others because we have preconceived ideas of what certain things mean. One thing that came to mind was the idea which has been fairly popular in recent years known as "Love Languages". If you want to know more, a simple google search should give you plenty to digest, but basically, everyone has some form of "love language", in which they feel they "receive" love (and give it to others). It could be receiving gifts, quality time, or any number of other things. While I think the idea of love languages can be somewhat enlightening as it might help someone think about how they feel loved, I think that love languages (and other things that give us a preconceived idea of how we and others function) might blind us to the real symbolic meaning behind what others do. If you like receiving gifts, and someone doesn't give you a gift, it doesn't mean they don't love you, but the misunderstanding that could arise might cause other problems. I think many gravitate to love languages because its easier to only have to think of a few symbolic meanings rather than a seemingly endless amount of them. While it may be easier, I think we need to be careful not to lock ourselves in to a handful of possible meanings and interpretations of actions, as it can cause us to overlook more important parts of our relationships.

Anyways, those are my thoughts for this week. What comes to your mind from what I shared? How might they affect your families and relationships? I'd love to hear your thoughts and stories down in the comments! Until next time, I hope you all have a great week!