5 Universal Needs and How to Meet Them

 Hello everyone! Another week has gone by in my family relations class which means I have another full week of thoughts and impressions to share. As far as I know, this is the last blog I will be writing for this class, as it is already the end of the semester. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly 14 weeks can pass as a student. Since it's the last blog, I want to say a few things about my overall experience from taking this class. It's definitely been an eye-opening experience for me. From my first blog, I discussed how I felt that many of my assumptions about family and relationships were being challenged, and that it was a refreshing experience. I can now say that those feelings have carried through the entire class. I think what's made it so refreshing is that this class taught me things that let me replace my previous assumptions with better knowledge: something much closer to the truth. I know a lot more than I used to know, and my own life and what I want for my future family has become much more clear. They say that "knowledge is power" and I can tell you that it is certainly empowering.

Anyways, with that out of the way, let's get to what we actually discussed this week. The topic for this week was parenting. We focused a lot on how as parents, we have the responsibility to help meet our children's needs. We looked at five basic needs and how we are to meet them as parents. The five needs are: Physical contact and belonging, power (or choice),  protection, withdrawal, and challenge. So those of you at home can understand I will give a brief synopsis of each. Physical contact and belonging are exactly what they sound like. Children need physical contact with others to feel like they belong. A lack of physical contact can actually keep kids from thriving, and can lead them to seek undue attention, either through seeking appropriate attention through inappropriate means, or seeking inappropriate forms of attention (like premature sex). Parents can fill this need by offering contact freely. The second is power. Children need to feel that they have some power to choose. If that need isn't managed, they may rebel if they feel that their choices are being controlled, or become too controlling themselves if parents are too lenient. Parents can fill this need by offering age and situation appropriate choices to their children. the third is protection. Children need to feel that they are protected. This one was a bit interesting, as it wasn't everything that I was expecting. If children aren't protected, they may adopt revenge as their approach of meeting that need, Parents fulfill this role in an interesting way; they exercise assertiveness and forgiveness with their children. Children also need withdrawal, which is the fourth need. Children need to learn how to take a step back from time to time from difficult situations, but also to come back and resolve their problems. If this need is not met, children may avoid things altogether. Parents can teach their kids by encouraging breaks but also making sure to go back to the original task and finish it. The last need is challenge. Children need to feel that they can do hard things and experience the growth that comes with such experiences. If this need is not met, children are likely to participate in undue risk taking. Parents can help meet this need by encouraging skill building.

 As we were learning about those needs and children's behavior as well as the appropriate adult reactions, I was thinking of how we as adults also have those needs and how they might play out in adult relationships as well. I can still think of plenty of adults (especially in the college environment) who participate in undue risk taking, attention seeking, or avoidance. I think it's interesting to see how those needs are consistent across most age groups and how we still need to learn how to meet them. It definitely made me think of how I can better meet my own needs and help those around me meet theirs as well. Do you look at some of these needs and feel that there are some unmet needs in that of your children, your partner, your family, or even yourself? How might you help meet those needs? I think it's something worth thinking about and trying to apply to our lives, whether its directed at our children, other adults, or ourselves.